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18 Answers

My sister, my maid of honor is being horrible! What to do?

Asked by: admin Bridal Consultants

This is going to be long.. sorry! :)

I’ve been engaged since September of ’07, and I asked my sister to be my matron of honor. Ever since, she has not been supportive or wanting to really do anything for me for the wedding.

She fought me about getting her dress. I wanted to get it late 2008, she said she wasn’t skinny enough, and she wanted to make sure she looked good next to me. She told me that we didn’t need to get dresses that soon. I told her I needed to pick flowers and colors and she told me no I didn’t and that I could wait longer, so I pushed it back a few months and we went this past Jan. She didn’t even want to buy a dress then! She told me that it wasn’t necessary, but it was because I needed to get her dress so I would have my colors so I could finally do my flowers and invitations. The consultant at the bridal shop basically told her she had to get her dress now or she would never have it on time, so she finally got it, but it was like pulling teeth.

Then her daughter is my flower girl, and she bought a dress that was too big. Well she never wanted to take it back so I ended up having to do it, and now it will barely be back in time for the wedding. And she wants me to go out of my way to pick up the dress when it is ready.

Then I was talking to her about everyone getting to my wedding & I asked her if she would take me and my mom with her so we could all get our hair/makeup done before the wedding & then go to the wedding together. Then her husband could take another car with the kids (so they wouldn’t have to sit through us getting that done) then my fiancĂ© could take a car. Well she told me that this wasn’t an option because "she would be too exhausted to drive home and didn’t want to take two cars." She then told me that I would need to drive and come and get her the morning of the wedding! This would mean that I would have to drive 80 minutes out of my way and get up at 6am to and get her, not to mention my fiancĂ© & I would have to take separate cars and wouldn’t even get to ride home together after becoming husband and wife. I e-mailed her later about this (because when you go against what she wants prepare for battle). She then called me and started to bitch me out how I ruined her wedding (I was 17 and did nothing but what she wanted for her wedding!). And she said really mean hurtful things to me that were totally uncalled for. I told her that she hasn’t acted one bit like she wants to be in my wedding! She then even told me that it was going to be too long of a day for her kids! Even though her kids were just at a party from 3pm-11:30pm.

I am so upset! I’ve been crying all night! I mean am I out of line with the things I am asking of her? I thought the maid of honor was supposed to be there to support you and do things for you. I didn’t think I was being unreasonable. I just don’t understand why she is acting this way. She is almost acting like the bride- she wants done everything her way and wants it to be a convenient for her! But who cares that is an inconvenience to me! I just don’t get it!! She also acts like she wants the whole day to be about her and have her be the center of attention.
I just thought the maid of honor was supposed to do what you wanted- to a certain extent- and try to make things more convenient and less stressful for the bride. For me this has been the opposite- it has been SO stressful and has created even more work for me. And she planned a bridal shower for me, but basically told me that I was having one- so it wouldn’t be a surprise. I just feel like the whole thing is her way or no way even though it’s my wedding!
OH and she’s wanted NOTHING to do with any planning aspects either. No help with picking flowers, invitations, or anything.
I didn’t do anything wrong at her wedding- I was 17- no drinking involved. I guess shes pissed because I didn’t throw her a shower- but I was only 17- no money to through one and she even told me she didnt want one. She tried telling me she changed her whole wedding because I wanted a different color dress- but that’s not what happened at all- i told her i liked one dress better, but i told her it was her wedding. My sister has been known for acting a victim and making things up to seem like she was treated horrible. Drama queen. She does the same things to my mom.
I’ve gotten by with NO input from her about the wedding. My mom has been great with helping me match things and plan other parts of my wedding, and I’ve done a lot of it on my own. My biggest frustration is how shes been acting with the dresses and transportation and being hurtful. She always said that I was great at her wedding and her wedding was wonderful. It wasnt until all this today when she went off on me. I thought I was very supportive of her during her wedding, but with her who knows! Nothing is never enough! :(

18 Answers

  1. Erin on Nov 15, 2010

    Hi there! I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time with getting your sister to cooperate with your wedding plans. It sounds very much to me like she is being deliberately bad behaved!

    She’s in the wrong, there’s no doubt about it. It’s your wedding, you should be able to have things go pretty much the way you want it! I mean, within reason of course, but the things you say she’s kicked up a fuss about don’t seem to me to be the sort of things that she should be complaining about – after all this day is about you and your husband to be! I understand that she may have wanted to lose weight for your wedding (I’m a slightly chubby bride, so I understand) however, I don’t think she has any right to drag her feet and hold you up the way that she has! You deserve better from her, especially as she’s your sister.
    I’m sorry to say it, but the way she is behaving right now, she has no right to her place as maid of honor! The maid of honour is ideally supposed to be the bride’s closest/best friend, and I can’t say I feel she’s being a very good friend or sister to you right now. Your maid of honor is supposed to help you with all the things you need help with! I’m not saying she’s meant to be a slave, but planning a wedding is stressful and a maid of honor is there to help you do the things that need doing! Her insistence with regard to not getting involved with some of the things you are planning is disappointing and I wouldn’t be at all happy in your position either.

    You have two choices at this point: either sit down and talk to her about it calmly and rationally, and get some things, if not everything, resolved, or, you can pick a new maid of honor. If you pick the first option, I’d suggest you ask her why it is that she feels that you ruined her wedding, at some point, since this may be a motivating factor in her poor behaviour. If you pick the first option, I’d suggest you go for tact and say that she seems not to want to be involved in your wedding very much and that she seems unhappy in her role as maid of honor, so you are going to pick someone else. You can elaborate on either of these, but they’re the only choices you have at this point, really.

    I hope things work out for you and all, it’s just terrible that you have to put up with your sister being so difficult!
    Good luck ,and I hope my question was helpful to you :)

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  2. NotAny*Young*Joe on Nov 15, 2010

    OMFG what a fucin bitch!!!!!!! no ofennse tell her that she cant be the maif of oner sorry i splet it wrong. tell her that you found some one else that cares about you and she will do things for you!!! she is bein a little brat ugh hope it helps and ps tell her off :D

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  3. Daisy L on Nov 15, 2010

    i didnt read all that but i can tell you what you need to do

    find a new one
    if she did all that shyt you wrote then
    you need a new one.

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  4. just be yourself(: on Nov 15, 2010

    im sorry. but everything will work out in the end. you did not make the wrong decision of picking her. it is just thing are getting heated. you need to release ur stree, which you are doing by writing all of this down. you have already confronted her, which is good. now all you can do it surround yourself with the people you love and work around it. it will be okay, i promise. in the end you will laugh at all of this. and remember, no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and messes up. :)

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  5. Amanda on Nov 15, 2010

    welcome to the club sweety, my sister has been a MOHzilla since day one, she refuses to do a bridal party dance, refuses to do a toast, refused to take off a tacky anklet bracelet that came out of a quarter machine that shes worn for 8 years and she wont help me with flowers,cake,invites or anything and if i made her she would drop out unfortunately i dont have any friends so i have to deal with it and just let her have her way so my wedding isnt completely horrible. All i can say is unless you can replace her you just have to deal with it unless you can talk to her and come to a compromise.

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  6. Suz123 on Nov 15, 2010

    You write: I just thought the maid of honor was supposed to do what you wanted-
    Well, it doesn’t always work that way. And while that may be unfortunate, it does happen quite often.

    I suggest you and mom get hair and makeup done before the wedding. Leave sis out of it. It can be a private time, just you and mom. Sis can stay with kids and hubby. All she needs to do is show up for the wedding. She really doesn’t need to do anything else. No way do you go pick her up at 6 am. She can come to the wedding with hubby and kids.

    As far as bridal showers go, they are planned by the hostess or hostesses. Bride is not supposed to plan her own shower. And usually, showers are not surprises. Sometimes the shower may be a surprise, yes. But most of the ones I have attended were not surprises. So please go to the shower, and enjoy the time with your friends and family.

    All sis really needs to do is show up (with your flower girl in tow) in time to go down the aisle. They just need to be dressed and ready to go down the aisle on time. That is all sis is required to do.

    You can get ready without her. Mom and your other attendants can help you get ready.

    Stop expecting things from sis . . . and I think you will enjoy the process more. The important thing at the end of the day is that you end up married to your love.

    All sis has to do is show up. Hang around for awhile to get photographs taken. Then she can leave. If the day is too long for her kids, then she can leave and take them home after photographs. It is no big deal. Sounds like you will have a better time without her there anyway.

    So when it comes to hair? Don’t argue with her. Tell her everything is fine. You and mom want some alone time before the wedding. Sis can do her own hair and come to wedding with hubby and kids.

    Tell her she can leave the reception early, as soon as the kids start to tire.

    Tell her the shower plans are lovely, and thank her for hosting it.

    Stop arguing with her, stop expecting things from her . . . .
    Concentrate on your groom and a lifetime of happiness together. Good luck.

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  7. Someone79 on Nov 15, 2010

    she sounds like a jealous one sorry
    *hug* if you want

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  8. jen on Nov 15, 2010

    You need to dump her pronto. She sounds like hell and you do not need this stress tell her to take a hike and choose someone else and if she doesn’t even want to go you should not be upset because she is in the wrong 100%. Dont give in

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  9. my baby's bubbi on Nov 15, 2010

    truthfully if shes acting like that then you should find another person to be your maid of honor. She shouldn’t be acting like a bitch to you, are you sure you want her as your maid of honor?

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  10. Cupcakeprncs on Nov 15, 2010

    Your situation totally sucks and I’m sorry, but – there is something that she is holding on to and it sounds like it happened at her wedding. Did you maybe have too much to drink at her reception and embarass her?? It seems to me that since she has been acting strange since you got engaged and since she brought up that you ruined her wedding, she is holding on to that and in turn is holding it against your wedding. Maybe talk to her about what is bothering her. Good luck.

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  11. Jen on Nov 15, 2010

    It’s too bad that the bridezillas of today have turned the Maid of Honor from the Honor Attendant into the Honorary Slave. Maid of Honor used to be the bride’s dearest friend or sister, who stood closest to her at the ceremony and held the bouquet.
    How Maid of Honor evolved into "wedding planner, assistant" is beyond me. If you want help with your wedding, you should get it from your parents or from hired people.
    If you’re too old & financially independent to rely on your parents to help with the wedding, then you should certainly hire people.

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  12. Vashti on Nov 15, 2010

    What Suz 123 said.

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  13. Myth_Understood on Nov 15, 2010

    ALL of this bu****it behavior stems from her bottling up her resentment over how her own wedding went down. Whether it really went as you say (and I’m not saying it did) or not, SHE thinks it could have gone better for her, and to her feeble mind, that’s all that matters.

    That’s all this is. She’s been living for the day that she could get even with you.

    If you don’t believe me – CALL HER ON IT.

    After she confirms what I suspect to be true, tell her that her services are no longer needed.

    She has done nothing in the way of supporting you at this time in your life when you really need it.

    Seriously … can you really tell me that you still want her there ?


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  14. The Divine Bubba Blue on Nov 15, 2010

    "I wanted to get it late 2008, she said she wasn’t skinny enough, and she wanted to make sure she looked good next to me."

    "Then her daughter is my flower girl, and she bought a dress that was too big. Well she never wanted to take it back so I ended up having to do it, and now it will barely be back in time for the wedding. And she wants me to go out of my way to pick up the dress when it is ready."

    "She then told me that I would need to drive and come and get her the morning of the wedding!"

    Each of these only have one response: She WHAT?!?

    Hell to the no! What a brat!

    In fairness, she is not supposed to help you plan the wedding – that’s your and perhaps your mother’s job, unless you hire a professional – and she is not supposed to do "what you want" – a matron of honour’s duties are pretty clear and are not that involved. But she’s not even doing that part right – she is supposed to get her own dress when you say and get the alterations when you say. She is not supposed to be whining about losing weight – nobody gives a you-know-what about her appearance; they’ll all be looking at you. She is supposed to handle getting her own daughter’s dress, returning it, etc. She is supposed to be in charge of her own transportation.

    I think you’re right: at some level she’s punishing you for what you did, probably unknowingly, when you were seventeen.

    I think you have to sit her down in person and say "Sister, I was a seventeen-year-old child at your wedding. From my point of view it feels very much like you are deliberately trying to get back at me for things I did when I was too young to know better. Why is that? Why do you seem to be going out of your way to make this difficult for me? Are you trying to get me to fire you because you don’t have the guts to quit?"

    And then you find another bridesmaid to be your maid of honour, because you can never win with a spoiled drama queen.

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  15. Kaligirl on Nov 15, 2010

    Personally, if my sister did that to me I’d change maid’s of honor. Planning a wedding and then the activities of the actual day are stressful enough without someone close to you…and your maid of honor especially, causing more trouble. The wedding day is about you and your fiance, not your sister and she should toughen up and let you have your day. She’s making it seem like you are making her life horrible when you haven’t asked much of her, only things that make logical sense.

    I do understand that she’s your sister though and you probably really want her in your pictures. She may also make more of a scene if you kick her out of the wedding party.

    All I can think of is how this is all leading to her creating a scene/trouble on the day of and it should be a happy day for you.

    I’m kind of reeling over this topic. I can’t believe that she’s doing this to you. She’s being completely ridiculous and childish. My sister is completely excited for me even though I’m getting married before her and I’m years younger.

    Again, I can’t believe she’s being so selfish!

    OKay, that’s all from me, I need to go cool down!

    I really hope that you can find a way to make this situation better. I don’t want her ruining your wedding experience!

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  16. Honeybee on Nov 15, 2010

    1. realize: No one else is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are.

    2. realize: sometimes the bride has to cover EVERYTHING.

    3. realize: titles are sometimes just that… a title (see #2)

    4. If she doesn’t act like you expect her to… ask her to step down or revoke her title.

    5. Suck it up and love on…

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  17. Avis B on Nov 15, 2010

    When YOU, the Bride and Groom, are considering friends and family members to be in your wedding party you need to ask yourselves these questions about each person you are considering . .

    Is this person a responsible adult who can handle just about anything?

    Is this person dependable?

    Is this person going to be there when I need them?

    Is this person going to complain about anything? Or everything?

    Is this person selfish or self-centered?

    Can this person afford to be in a wedding (time and money)?

    And most importantly, am I going to regret asking this person to be in my wedding?

    People do NOT change because they are going to be in a wedding. Their habits are not going to change . . their lifestyle is not going to change . . and their personality is not going to change. You knew what this person was like before you asked her to be in your wedding so you either have to "live with it" or tell her you do not want her in your wedding party any longer. Let’s face reality, sometimes sisters don’t make the best honor attendants.

    If your sister is married or has ever been married she is NOT a MAID OF HONOR, she is a MATRON OF HONOR.

    Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

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  18. cheekychops on Nov 15, 2010

    get yourself another matron of honour sounds like she dosent want the job. then tell her that she isnt welcome at your wedding and tell the rest of the family why. enjoy your day.

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