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Do I have to say yes to being a bridesmaid?

Asked by: admin Bridal Hairstyles

So my brother is recently engaged and I just heard that his fiance is going to ask me to be one of eight bridesmaids in their wedding. I really don’t want to do it because the whole matching dresses and hairstyles thing really just isn’t me. Of course I will go to the wedding. But I would rather just hang out with my family at the wedding than be part of the bridal party. Would it be totally rude to decline the offer to be a bridesmaid? I really don’t know my brother’s fiance very well. I have only hung out with her 3 or 4 times. Thanks.

16 Answers

  1. momof4 on Sep 20, 2010

    talk 2 ur brother.if its bcause he wants u in the wedding then by all means its his day.but she might have only asked u cause its the thing to do so im sure she wouldnt miss one out of eight,especially if u barsly know each other

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  2. Corona on Sep 20, 2010

    Tell her that you appreciate the offer, but you would rather just take pictures from the audience or something. If ya’ll only hung out a few times, she is probably just doing it out of kindness anyway.

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  3. Nonfoo on Sep 20, 2010

    Well, you have every right to decline. It’s your choice. But I doubt your bro’s fiance is asking you because of her. She’s probably doing it to honor your brother. And she’s probably hoping it will be the beginning of you welcoming her into your family.

    If you were saying you couldn’t do it because of money, I think I’d be more inclined to say, be honest with her about why you can’t do it. But since it’s because you don’t know her well, I’d say, you should do it. She’s reaching out to you. And a snub to her, could end up a snub to your brother. And possibly cause friction with him. Is that what you really want?

    The whole matching dress thing, I understand. But one day won’t kill you. This is something that means a lot to your brother. And if you’re close to him, do it for him.

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  4. softball_chic_2009_15 on Sep 20, 2010

    you dont have to, thats why they asked you insted of telling you that you have to be a bridesmaid. or you could go with it to make your brother happy.

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  5. worldtraveler on Sep 20, 2010

    You don’t "have" to say yes, but think about this: it’s one day. Don’t you love your brother enough to do this for him? It’s not like you will have to wear the dress and hairstyle for the rest of your life! For the sake of family harmony, be selfless and do this for your brother. When you’re an elderly lady, you’ll look back and be glad you did.

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  6. Diane B on Sep 20, 2010

    Remember this is your brother’s special day too. Maybe the bride is asking you because you are her grooms sister. It is one day out of your life, you can wear a nasty dress and have your hair in a style you don’t like for one day……at the reception, live it up and have fun and hang out with your other family members. You only have to be a good girl during the wedding. Do it for your brother and yourself, it will teach you discipline.

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  7. slobone on Sep 20, 2010

    It’s never rude to say no to an invitation if you really don’t want to do it. But think this one through — this is your brother’s wedding. That means you’ll be seeing his wife frequently for years to come. If she bears you a grudge for turning her down, it could make things very uncomfortable.

    I’d say just grin and bear it. It’s only one day, and then you won’t have her on your case for the rest of your life.

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  8. Sarah May on Sep 20, 2010

    No you don’t you have every right to decline. It not like your not going. You are going. And that will be how you will share this day with you brother.

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  9. jerseymilo9 on Sep 20, 2010

    I would speak to your brother first and see if he is able to sway her away from asking you.

    If that doesn’t work, I would have a sit down with her to explain you wouldn’t feel comfortable, it’s not "you", you could put it.

    Hopefully it doesn’t get you off on the wrong foot with her.

    Good luck!

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  10. RevolutionaryDame on Sep 20, 2010

    If you are not comfortable with the the role of bridesmaid, then by all means, DECLINE. Do so politely and with sincerity. You need only explain that you are not the best choice for the position because it would make you uncomfortable, that you would feel awkward, nervous and shy. Then offer to help out in some way that shows you really do care and you want to help make the day special. Do not let any person guilt you into this.

    Start right now thinking ahead as to what role/part you could help out with, then make a list and have it ready. It will show that you have put effort and thought into helping the bride and groom.

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  11. michelle on Sep 20, 2010

    You never "have to" do anything you don’t want to do; that’s why we have the word "no" in our vocabulary. But there are ways and ways of saying "no" without sounding completely rude. You should definitely discuss it with your brother and maybe send a "thanks, but no thanks" -very polite and apologetic- letter to his fiance, even if you don’t know her that well.

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  12. Jennifer K on Sep 20, 2010

    i would do it. sometimes we do things that don’t want to to make the people we love happy. is that how you welcome her into the family? of course you don’t know her well she’s new to your family start begin a relationship with an insult.

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  13. sophieb on Sep 20, 2010

    if it’s concerning a marriage in your own family it is disrespectful to say "no". The universe does not surround only you. You have family and therefore should graciously accept should she ask you to be a bridesmaid. It’s kind of an honor to be asked. You’re not accepting for someone you don’t know well that’s asking you, you are accepting on behalf of your brother.

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  14. berry on Sep 20, 2010

    don’t do what you don’t like doing.

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  15. emt_me911 on Sep 20, 2010

    You have the right to decline the invitation. What I recommend is that instead of not participating at all, why don’t you ask if you can be assigned another duty…such as reading scripture or a poem or even lighting the candles. You could hand out wedding programs or even be an "honorary" bridesmaid (does not participate in the actual ceremony and does not wear a dress to match the other bridesmaids).

    You don’t have to be a bridesmaid to have a meaningful part of the ceremony.


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  16. I_Don't_Want_To_Be_You on Sep 20, 2010

    No, just politely decline. A "Thanks for the offer, but I’d rather not" sort of thing.

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